http://www.earthtym.net/sex-3.htm SELF-CONTROL is BEING AWARE. If you fantasize about someone you know, you trick yourself into projecting your feelings on them. That may even include your spouse unless free and assertive communication between the two of you confirm the attraction in spite of differences of libido. The potential problem is that persons you know may not share your feeling of sexual attraction. Patterning yourself to believe such a lie places you in the same position as some rapists and stalkers. Do you really want that? Is it likely to bring you any respect from them? An inappropriate sexual advance toward your male or female friend may end all possibility for a continued and emotionally deepened relationship. Do you really want such disgrace and loss? RELEVANT FANTASY REALITIES. IF you fantasize about a hero or heroine who is going to bring excitement, power, wealth, stability, possessiveness, or, ... into your life --- you are setting yourself up for one long emotional depression. If you are connecting sexuality with a Cinderella or James Bond form of romantic resurrection, the sophistication of the image keeps you passively waiting for the Mr. or Ms. Perfect who does not exist or would not associate with Mr. or Ms. imperfect YOU. It is easier for some persons to distance themselves from their fantasy than others but patterning still remains a potential danger. THE MORE DEFINED your fantasy, the more depressing is everyone whom you date, or marry ... because reality can't match fantasy --- which is intellectualized perfection. Reality can be better than fantasy. But if you are always comparing the sexual reality to the sexual fantasy, it is as if you are comparing two lovers --- and only the real one is being held up for judgement. -- Melinda Smith =^..^= http://angelfire.com/zine/melsbasketcase New Pacifica Working Group http://www.egroups.com/group/NewPacifica 'Save Our Stations!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewPacifica/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: NewPacifica-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/