---------- Forwarded message ----------From: Treatment Advocacy Center <tacenews@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>Date: Dec 30, 2005 9:00 AMSubject: ENEWS - TREATMENT ADVOCACY CENTERTo: melsbasketcase@xxxxxxxxx ENEWS - TREATMENT ADVOCACY CENTER TREATMENT ADVOCACY CENTERVisit our web site www.psychlaws.orgFriday, December 30, 2005 ****************************** THE OREGONIAN, January 23, 2004 [Editor's Note: Our New Year's wish: that our treatments, programs,and laws for the care of people with severe mental disorders shallimprove to the point where those afflicted must no longer fear beingpsychotic, homeless, imprisoned and victimized, and can instead becomefixated on more mundane affairs – such as the opinion of one SimonCowell.] TRACY MOORE FINDS HELP TO CONTROL HER SCHIZOPHRENIA, ALLOWING HER TOUSE HER SINGING TALENTS FOR A TRY AT STARDOM ON "AMERICAN IDOL" By Michelle Roberts "American Idol" judge Simon Cowell is known for being critical andblunt, but never tongue-tied. Yet that's how a Southwest Portland woman says she left Cowell whenshe auditioned for the hit Fox reality show last fall in Hollywood,Calif. Tracy Moore, 22, said she walked into a room in the RenaissanceHollywood Hotel in September and told Cowell that she suffers from amental illness. "They asked me what I wanted to do with my life," said Moore, who beatmore than 10,000 other pop-star hopefuls for a chance to audition forthe show's celebrity judges. "I think they expected me to say I wantto be a famous recording artist. I told them I want to start afoundation for schizophrenics." Moore said Cowell, famous for his scathing critiques that frequentlyreduce "American Idol" contestants to tears, was briefly stunned. "Simon just blinked and said, 'What?' " Moore said, mimicking Cowell'sBritish accent. "I told him, 'I'm a schizophrenic.' "It was the first time I've ever seen him speechless." Moore, who discovered her voice while performing in musicals at WilsonHigh School, always thought her talent would make her rich and famous. But while attending Musictech College in Minneapolis, a school forperforming artists, Moore gradually began to withdraw into a world ofdelusions. "I would go to school and act bizarre," she said. "I'd start thinkingweird things and not know what the truth was. I'd talk to people whoweren't there." Once, she spent an entire day walking in a circle, convinced that wasthe only way to stop aliens from entering her body. She wore sandalsin the snow. Moore said her classmates were wary of her. "They didn't want to be myfriend, but they were civil," she said. "They still wanted me to singin their bands." During her third term at Musictech, Moore said she called home andasked her mother to sit down. "I told her, 'I'm insane.' " But even that insight quickly disappeared. "As my symptoms got worse,I lost my awareness of the illness," Moore said. "After a while, Ididn't know I was crazy. You couldn't convince me that Earth wasn'tbeing threatened by aliens." After a hospitalization in Minnesota, Moore's parents, computernetwork engineers Pam and Don Moore, moved their daughter home toPortland, where a psychiatrist diagnosed her with schizophrenia, achronic and debilitating mental illness marked by psychosis, delusionsand disordered thinking. The woman who once dreamed of seeing her name in lights had tostruggle to hold down minimum-wage jobs. She says she was fired fromnearly "every fast-food job in the state." At times, Moore was afraidshe'd lost not only her mind, but her future, too. "I was reallyscared of what was going to become of me," she said. There's often no cure for the illness, but by working closely with adoctor and other mental health professionals, some people cansuccessfully manage their schizophrenia. Moore's doctor experimented with several medications but found thatone of the newest medications available to treat schizophrenia,Abilify , helped mute most of her symptoms and let her think moreclearly than she had in years. Last summer, after six weeks on thedrug, Moore said she began to believe it wasn't unreasonable to dream,once again, of a music career. In late July, Moore talked a friend into driving her 16 hours to theRose Bowl in Pasadena, Calif., where she waited in line for three daysfor a chance to audition for "American Idol." Moore's waist-length hair, dyed electric blue, helped her stand outfrom the throng of auditioners lined up outside the stadium. On Aug. 1, her 22nd birthday, Moore was selected from the crowd tosing on "Good Morning America." Later that day, Moore made the firstcut when just 250 contestants -- out of the original 10,000 who showedup at the Los Angeles tryouts -- were selected to go on to the nextround. On Aug. 4, Moore belted out Melissa Etheridge's song "I'm the OnlyOne," for six Fox producers responsible for paring the list offinalists down to 50. Moore said it felt as though her heart would leap from her chest aseach judge cast their vote. "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." "Yes." On Sept. 7, Moore found herself face to face with Cowell and fellowjudge Randy Jackson, a Grammy Award-winning producer. After throwing Cowell off guard, Moore launched into her song. Cowell and Jackson let Moore sing most of the song before Cowellsignaled her to stop. "Not good enough," she remembers him saying dismissively. Jackson wasn't so sure, "He said, 'Um, Um. Uh. I don't know. I thinkI'm going to say no,' " Moore recalled. The third celebrity judge, 1980s pop star Paula Abdul, wasn't presentbecause she was ill. Moore said she politely thanked the judges and turned to walk out asSimon gave her the biggest compliment Moore has ever heard him give:"Not good enough," she remembers him saying. "But you can sing." The rejection stung. For weeks after the audition, Moore would cop aBritish accent and sniff, "This supper's not good enough!" or "Thesepants aren't good enough!" But Moore always comes back to what Cowell said on her way out of theaudition room. "He said I can sing!" Moore is unsure whether she will try out again next year. But she saidit was one of the most important experiences in her life. "I really put myself out there, even after everything I've beenthrough," she said. "That was a huge accomplishment in and of itself." Sure, a record deal would be nice, Moore says. But she also suspectsshe may have a more important calling. She recently enrolled atPortland Community College and is taking classes to become a mentalhealth and addictions counselor. If Moore could choose between superstardom or helping others who'vestruggled, the choice would be clear. "I don't know what my futureholds," she said. "But I know that helping others will give my lifethe most meaning." ****************************** Treatment Advocacy Center E-NEWS is a publication of the TreatmentAdvocacy Center. This E-NEWS is provided as a public service by the Treatment AdvocacyCenter. There is no fee. If you would also like to receive a freesubscription to the Catalyst, our quarterly hardcopy newsletter,please forward your mailing address to info@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx The Center does not accept donations from pharmaceutical companies. Support from individuals who share our mission, however, is essentialto our ability to effectively help our most vulnerable citizens. TheTreatment Advocacy Center is a 501(c)(3) not-for-profit organization. All contributions are tax-deductible to the extent allowed by law. Donations to the Treatment Advocacy Center should be sent to: Treatment Advocacy Center200 North Glebe Road, Suite 730Arlington, VA 22203703-294-6001 (main no.)703-294-6010 (fax) --Melinda Smith =^..^=http://angelfire.com/zine/melsbasketcase ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Help save the life of a child. Support St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.http://us.click.yahoo.com/f4eSOB/lbOLAA/E2hLAA/xYTolB/TM--------------------------------------------------------------------~-> New Pacifica Working Grouphttp://www.egroups.com/group/NewPacifica'Save Our Stations!' Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewPacifica/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: NewPacifica-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/